I’m jotting down words as usual. To many ideas juggling dunno what to think concretely. One thing that keeps playing back and forth is the urge to live my life truly without a care of anybody .To love like I have I never loved before, to mind about my damn self without comparison with any living human.I want to grow spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and financiallyI want to make a milestone. To be the woman that God designed me to be.Not the societal standard woman, of is she likable or is she beautiful. Speaking of beauty lemme quote one of my fave from Erin McKean.You don’t have to be pretty. You don’t owe prettiness to anyone. Not to your boyfriend/spouse,not to your co -workers,especially not to random men on the street. You don’t owe it to your mother, you do not owe it to civilization in general. Prettiness is not a rent pay for occupying a space marked female. This are the barriers that pull us down especially women.I’m saying no to them cuz I want to grow once moreI want to make more friends. I want to be wild.This year is already thick at least on my side here.I’m filled with unsaid words and some nauseating tension all over cuz I want to do my best.Speaking of doing my best .I tend to be very picky.If I care about you there is something unique and deep.I want to shed that skin.You cannot do your best whilst alienating others. Your party should be inclusive of some people/things you can put up with.Talking to people helps ,that’s what I’m learning. Some few weeks ago I sat down on my bed.Pounding rhythmically. My eyes spilled over with tears thinking about so many things. After my tears blurred my vision for some few minutes.I spoke to a friend and my mind was clear.I’m not going to be the woman I am no more.I’ll do things that most people don’t understand but if I like them anyway. I’ll do them.Ehn I’m not going to be apologetic at all.I’ll treat myself gently and I will not beat myself up. I’ll loosen the self pressure I have with myself. I want to grow once more(just a small excuse to show off my natural hair and some few lovely selfies lol)
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